Sample Band 5 Essays

The following essays are all real essays and have been graded as equivalent to Band 5.

Have a read of these essays and take note of the style, language used and how the students answered the actual question.  The examiner’s comments are at the end of each essay too.

 


Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes or violence increase. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Committing serious crimes need capital punishment so that the offender unable to involved in the crime in the future. However, If they want to stop the violated act in the future then it would better to forget him and judge him for a change .

Overall, I agree with the fact that punishment is the way to avoid the crime to be increased and hence our lives become more secure. If the wrongdoer wants to be a good man and there is some financial or personal problem that led him to the wrong way, then it would be the nice option to forgive him and try to solve the problem he have. Although by this way, some bad man may become effective part of the society but some do not bring themselves to the right path because they are very much used to of it. The person that _ involved in the crime and never try to stop the law-breaking act should be punished in the extremely serious way. However, it totally depends on the nature of crime. Some crime led to capital punishment and some may require small penalty. The law-making institutions are responsible to bring the bad man to the right level of punishment that he deserves. If there is weak legislation to properly handle the offender, it may become our society less secure for the good man. The government should be responsible authority to provide secure and better state to live. Laws should be implemented and executed in the most proper way that do not allow the offender to commit violence act or to break the law in any way or extent. To sum up, it is the responsibility of the state runner to stop people to involved in crime. It may be done through solving the problems of the people that led them to commit violence act or by the punishment accordingly.

Where are the paragraphs? This is a very good essay; however there are many small mistakes that will cost you dearly. There are also several unclear expressions and grammatical errors.

You should rewrite it, giving more thought to what is required, eg. paragraphs. 5


Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.

It is certainly said that learning is an ongoing process .Every person learn something new according to their age, experience knowledge and education. According to my point of view it is always better to have teacher or guide for study.

One teacher has adequate knowledge to teach their student. He knows all the possible ways to make subject easier for the students, even he teaches them in effective manner. For example, some students are weak in some subjects but a teacher always guides them according to their mental capacity. He teaches them as fun. Some people can learn better in group by discuss the topics with others. In class people can know the others views, even they know how we can learn effectively. Where the teacher always give easy direction to learn.

In the todays competitive world, everbody is busy, some people think that rather to waste their time to go for classes they can learn better regarding their subject _. They can attend online classes by using internet at home. They can get relevant information from internet regarding their topic. There is not specific time, age limit to learn something new. Some thing new which we always learn only with the experience such as atequates, knowledge, new habits and so on.

In sum up, I would like to say that it is always better for the people to have teacher because one teacher has good knowledge, experience and education to teach others. They can take learn easy from him rather by themselves.

Where are the paragraphs in this essay? You must be very careful using definitive words like ?always? and making statements of fact. The essay is for you to provide an opinion and to provide supporting arguments. Also, the other side of the argument about teachers that have limited knowledge or people that learn better on their own is not presented here.
Band 5


University should give same amount of money to their sport activities as they give to their liabrary. Do you agree or disagree?

Yes, I do feel that universities should have equal budget for their liabraries as well as sport activities. It is our general belief that good player can not be good student and hence we restrict our children’s sport activities at college level. Moreover, academic degree has much more value than sport activities which naturally compels students to focus more on their studies than their sport interest.

Most of the universities keep sport at last number of their priority list, because of which good players do not get enough facilities and equipments to improve thier skills and eventually they loose their interest.Universities can play substantial role in shaping this upcoming talent by providing them with good trainers and equipments which is otherwise expensive to afford. Also it will attract other students towards sports and inculcate importance of physical fitness in them.

Universities should produce genious in all fields rather than only concentrating on progress of scholars. Hence, I feel that universities should allot equal money to liabrary as well as sport activities.

Your essay too short, the introduction is good, as is the first paragraph but you must offer more arguments regarding why you agree or disagree. There are many spelling, punctuation and article errors. The essay is easy to follow but has the appearance of the writer running short of time. Band 5


Modern medicine helps to live long life. Do you agree?

The modern medicine is very important for living long life. It is depend on new technology. People take very easy and quickly. Also modern medicine is very quick absorbing to human body. It is helps to back to normal for people health condition. Therefore I agree that the modern medicine is helps to live longer.

First of all, the modern medicine can prevent incurable diseases. Doctors can find some diseases very early. Then doctors can give suitable medicines for patient. New modern equipments are helps doctors is going to correct way. Also intelligent people in the world live long life on helps from modern medicine. That is very important in the human society because their creative things are coming with them and they can help to others long time when they are living in long life with comfortably.

Beside, old population is increasing in the country. It is badly effect in country economy and especially for third world countries. But old people are very important in human society because their experience definitely helps to living safely and planning to new project. Experience is better than qualifications? However, old people are living long life; it is helps others to live long life because we can get advice from them and they are covering our culture and society.

Moreover, modern medicine is being addictive for some people, so that they can not live without medicine. They should take medicine all their lives. Also modern medicine is very expensive. Therefore most of poor countries couldn’t take modern medicine and it has taken commercial shape also it is depending on money. In the modern medicine have not facts of human kindness. People who they have money they can take modern medicine. But indigenous medicine has well human friendly shape. It has not depended on money.

To summarize; in my personal view, modern medicine is helping live long life with comfortably. Modern technologies are being supported to find unburnable diseases very early. So doctors can take correct path immediately. Therefore, may I not hesitate to agreed the above mention statement.

Your essay has confusing sentences, where your meaning is unclear.
You mix advantages and disadvantages of modern medicine in one paragraph when you should divide them ? put advantages in one and disadvantages in another.
If you agree with the statement, you should have 2 paragraphs supporting your opinion and one supporting the opposite opinion, in your essay it is 2 against and 1 for.
The structure of sentences and the grammar are not very good. Try to read more essays of Bands 6 and 7 to see how you can improve your writing. Read more tips in IELTS-blog and “Ace The IELTS” or “Target Band 7″ e-books.
Band 5.


The boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are most influenced by their mothers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.

It is true that nowadays parent have a great influence over the children. Some people hold the opinion that the same sex is the major determinations of influencing parent, but others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, I agree that boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are most influenced by their mothers. My arguments for this point are listed below.

First of all, father is the person who passed that ways which are his son is passing now, in the other words, sons are stepping in a trace which fathers had driven them. So, based on experience it is easy for father to notice sons’ drawbacks and influence them.

Secondly, it is true that a boy is countedas a strong characteristics human , but a girl is subtle and fragile one. It is hard for mothers to influence their sons, because it is unbelievable that vulnerable something can affect a strong one.

In conclusion, it seems to me unfair that boys are most influenced by their mothers. Based on at least two points which are above I strongly agree that children are influenced by a parent of the same gender.

This essay is too short, 190 words instead of the minimum requirement of 250. It doesn’t say anything about girls being influenced by their mothers, which is also a part of the task – therefore the task is only partially covered. The sentences are not complex enough, there are grammatical mistakes and language inaccuracies. Overall, looks like a Band 5.5 essay

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